I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
