i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
