id be glad to
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
