my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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