Moan for me like Helen Keller
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
