I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The adults are the big ones right?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
