Betty ford says i'm here all night
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
