He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
