I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
