Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just high enough for therapy.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
