just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
