I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Randomize
