There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
