You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
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He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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