yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
