Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
