remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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