im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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