so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
