fuck your aforementioned shoe
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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