walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
