The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
im six kinds of drunk right now
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
