I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
