If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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