did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
There r osticjed everywhere
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
