my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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