you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
