Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
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I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
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You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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