I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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