just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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