Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My breasts were aching with rage.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
