You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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