i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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