when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
