Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
