Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
