so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
