just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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