I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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