I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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