i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
