1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
