I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Randomize
