Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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