That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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