He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
