we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
