If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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