kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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