Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
