I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Shame - the story of my life.
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