You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
