TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
