I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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