Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
