This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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