Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize