i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
