he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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