using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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