haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
