you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize