O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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