I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
