Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
