Walk of Shame. In a state park.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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