I'm gonna have a badass scar
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I am full of burrito and curiosity
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
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