She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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