Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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