i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
